The end of the affair

Adultery can lead to sainthood

The first time I watched this film I must have been 17 years old and I was completely touched by it, not only by the plot, the scenarios, I've always loved London, that space of the history which is after the WWII, and English movies and books. The story touched me so deep inside like if it was trying to explain me something in advanced, by then I just could understand 50% of it. I fell in love with the characters played by Ralph Fiennes and Julianne Moore, Maurice and Sarah. I felt much more represented by Maurice, a writer and the lover. Now, something about 7 years later, perhaps, I am watching this film once more and I still feel touched by it, much stronger than the first time. I loved once more the scene of the upstairs, when after a party Sarah and Maurice make love with the intensity you can only feel with your lover, when the relationship is in the deepest secrecy.

"Sarah : Love doesn't end, just because we don't see each other.

Maurice : Doesn't it?

Sarah : People go on loving God, don't they? All their lives. Without seeing him.

Maurice : That's not my kind of love.

Sarah : Maybe there is no other kind. "

That's what they spoke after the bomb exploded right behind Maurice's back, she never believed in praying, but as she saw him unconsciously laying on the floor without answering she offered to God that she'd leave him for ever, that she'd never see him again if he let him go on living, as soon as she stopped saying these words he appeared, and as he was alive, she was dead. So, she left and she never saw him again, as her lover. She had just tempted fate.Maurice loved her and hated her obsessively.

Sarah : "Dear god, I am tired, I am tired of being without him, and it's all because of you".

She gets back with Maurice but soon after that they get to know that Sarah is going to die because she's got a terminal sickness, so all their plans of having a family and so on got a touchstone. At times I want to cry deeply with this story, I want to understand why life can be so cruel and why sometimes we can't love as we want, with the fullness we'd want to. The biggest proof of love from Maurice were investigating her and hating her, but much more than that was to take care of her when she was about to die, he loved her from the minute he saw her till her last breath. Been an atheist he ended up hating God as if he existed.

Deep inside me, the first time I watched the film I wanted to be loved as Sarah or to love the way Maurice did, and I'm still looking forward to it. I don't know what would I do with so much love and with so much hate.