I am so sorry for you as well, wherever you are my dear. I never meant to cause you any kind of pain, and now when he asks if you will ever be back for good, I deny this by nodding my head and telling words, and I look in my mind and body for any disease that affects me in order to excuse the fact, that I don't want any kind of jeopardy for you, again. I don't trust, I can't trust and that is the main reason why I am 99,9% sure that you'll never be back here. This is a shity world, you don't really need to see what I have seen and be a victim of the things we've all done. You don't need to bear these crosses... they are too many for you all alone, and even if I helped you to bear some of them, you would end hurt, anyway, and I won't see anything else in your eyes but the reflection of my pain multiplied in your soul. I am deeply sorry that everything went simply wrong and now it's too late to mend it. You haven't visited me in my dreams lately, so I suppose that now you're doing perfectly fine, happier than me, happier than everyone else. That diary in my night table is still for you, but now instead of hopes is full with excuses for you. There are not enough words to tell you how sorry I am about everything, about letting you hear and watch from behind that door all that crap you should have never seen or heard. Once more, I am sorry... I am sorry for what happened, for what didn't happend and for what won't happen.