This little truth about your ring

We had been fucking a long time during the night and a long time during the morning, I had drunk and I had cried in your arms. You’ve said things like “I can’t let you go” and stuff. I got into the shower something about 15 minutes later than usual, because I still wanted to feel you close and give you a morning kiss. Between fuck and fuck, I got an idea. A little bit of pain, gallows humour, despair, hate and other elements all mixed in my mind and heart, yes… in this minuscule piece of heart that I still have. I said to my self laughing that it would be a great idea to take your ring with me.

I was expecting you wouldn’t realize about it so soon, so it would give me enough time to think what I should do with it. I didn’t care about anything and I opened the drawer and I took it with me, without any special plan. I felt so brave but at the same time so cruel with you. But then I thought that you hadn’t thought about me with all the things you’ve done, but at the same time you’ve been nice, loving, caring and kind to me, but, but, but… so, I didn’t measure any consequences and I kept on carrying it with me, hidden, very bad hidden in my pocket, risking "things" with it.

I walked a few streets with it, I touched it, I looked at it but I didn’t really think what it means to you. I was thinking all the way about what I could do with it. I thought about giving it back to you or setting it again in the drawer before you even notice that it had been gone. But no, you realized so quick that it wasn’t there. I never thought you would check the drawer. You asked me if I had taking it as a prank. I said I didn’t and you kept on checking everywhere for it. I denied it. I would have denied everything. You said it doesn’t just mean that it is your wedding ring but many more things besides that.

I should have thought about your attachment to material things, like a ring, a necklace, etc. Because once I asked you why you had these necklaces all the time, you don’t even take them away to take a shower, and you said it is because they mean something, that a friend of yours had given them to you, that you had bought it many years ago in I don’t know what place. So, the ring means nearly 10 years of life and adventures, ups and downs.

For me, your ring means nothing else than the element that makes your family portrait complete in the image it self, but at the end nothing at all there, just "a thing".

When walking with it on my left pocket I thought about the possibilities for me to do with it, the first one is to give it back to you. Don’t you worry my love; you will have it back to you, in the right time. The other crazy possibilities are, throwing it at dusk in the river. Take it to the jeweler’s shop, melt it, make a cross and send it to her, but after all, the ring is yours, and the cross would be yours as well.

I know that if you get to her without your ring, she will understand my message perfectly. I don't think that a woman can be so stupid to believe that you simply lost it. You lost it in the very minute when you got between my legs.

When united we stand, united we fall, that’s what I thought, so I took it with the intention of sending you to her with a message without words for her to understand when you lie, when you hide things, when you say nothing at all. I am trying to push you to give a step to the front. That step you're so affraid of.

You asked me once more looking directly to my eyes if I had taken it and I said "no" again, without blinking, without sweating, believing that I hadn't done it. I had it so close to me, no more in my pocket, but in a place where I can smash it with the decision of every step I take. It had been so close to you again, but so far away, and you didn't ask me for it again, you just said it "disappeared". That's it. For now.